


Your Citrus Heart

by minseokies



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: 90s aesthetic, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Comfort, Cuddling, M/M, Past Kim Jongdae | Chen/Park Chanyeol, chosen family, for real they’re just so soft, mentions of abuse and broken families, platonic Jongdae/Baekhyun/chanyeol, soft retro boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:41:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26373631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minseokies/pseuds/minseokies
Summary: Jongdae is carrying a bright orange backpack, his hand wrapped tightly around the handle. “Can I come with you?”He doesn’t even need to think before the answer is leaving his lips.“Yes.”Or where Baekhyun just wants a family, finds it somewhere unexpected, and falls in love with Jongdae on the way.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Kim Jongdae | Chen
Comments: 11
Kudos: 69
Collections: Shall we Chen? Fictional Fest First Round





	Your Citrus Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Original prompt:  
> Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Jongdae go on a road trip to discover themselves.  
> Rated E
> 
> Wow ok I really hope you like this! It was so so fun to write and I really loved this prompt.  
> I love these angsty retro boys <3

Byun Baekhyun has plans to leave in the middle of the night, without anyone knowing.  
He goes to bed at nine, says goodnight to his foster mother, packs a bag, and hides it under the bed. He writes down his birth parent’s address and folds the scrap of paper neatly, placing it gently in his pocket. His hand lingers over where it lies, not quite touching his skin.  
He lies in the dark, pretends to be asleep when his foster mom checks on him at 10, waits until he hears her close her bedroom door.  
The younger kids are all already asleep.  
So he pulls on his denim jacket, his bag, and goes down to the kitchen to fill a water bottle.  
He’s waiting for the bottle to fill, when he feels something else enter the room, and he freezes. 

“Baek?”  
He lets out a breath, and turns around to see one of the younger kids, Ella, standing in the doorway, holding her stuffed rabbit with one hand.  
“Ella? What are you doing up?”  
“I couldn’t sleep, I wanted some water.” She rubs sleepily at her eye with one hand. “Please could you get it for me?”  
Baekhyun ruffles her hair, and smiles, filling up a glass of water. He crouches down in front of her and passes her the cup, making sure she’s holding onto it properly.  
“Can you get back to bed yourself?” He whispers, and she nods. He’s about to stand up again when she stops him.  
“Baek, where are you going?” Her blue eyes begin to fill with tears, and his heart wrenches a little. This is exactly the reason why he didn’t tell anyone he was leaving.  
“I have to go, Ella.”  
“Why?”  
“I want to find my family.”  
It was the first time he’d spoken his plan out loud, and in doing so, it made it seem so much more real, so much more daunting.  
“Where do they live?” The little girl asks.  
“LA.”  
“That’s a long way.” They’re both silent for a moment, and Ella pulls him into a hug, and then pushes her bunny into his arms.  
“I want you to have Bunny.”  
Baekhyun stares at her, shocked. “Ella...”  
“He helps me when I have nightmares- he’ll keep you safe!”  
Baekhyun tries to stop himself from crying, but his throat chokes up and he has to wipe the tears from his eyes.  
“You can’t tell anyone where I’ve gone, okay?” He tells her, standing up. “Our secret?” He holds out his pinky finger, and she wraps hers around it. “Promise, it will be our secret.” He laughs when she puts a finger in front of her mouth and makes a “shhh” sound.  
He makes sure she gets back up the stairs safely, and is out the door.  
It’s 30 hours from Chicago to LA, and it’s not like he’s on a time schedule or anything, but he just wants to leave the city behind.  
He puts his bag on the backseat of his old car, one that he saved up for for years even before he was old enough to drive, and turns the key in the ignition.  
He tries not to think about the fact that he’s leaving his entire life behind, and breathes a sigh of relief when the house is out of view.  
He’s finally leaving. 

He tries to fiddle around with the radio as he’s driving, but all he gets is depressing news stories, or static. So he resolves to driving in silence.  
He suddenly remembers the collection of tapes he left in the glove compartment, and looks down for a second to see if there’s one on the passenger seat that he might have left from the last time he drove to school. Surely enough, there’s a mixtape laying on the passenger seat. Baekhyun reaches down to grab it, but out of the corner of his eye he sees something run into the road and he slams the brakes on, squeezing his eyes shut.  
He opens them when the car skids to a stop, panting heavily.  
It’s a person.  
He rolls down the window, and leans his head out.  
“Are you crazy?” He shouts to the other person, who slowly comes into better view.  
Kim Jongdae.  
Class favourite Kim Jongdae. Actual angel Kim Jongdae.  
Baekhyun’s crush Kim Jongdae. 

Baekhyun doesn’t know what to say or what to do, except Kim Jongdae is crying and looks scared and he has no idea how to help except offering what he can: “Do you want to get in?”

Jongdae wipes his eyes. “Byun Baekhyun? What... what are you doing?”  
Baekhyun thinks he might as well be honest. “I’m... running away.”  
Jongdae nods, shaky. He’s still stood in the orange light of the car’s headlights, and it washes him out, makes him look pale, almost ghostly.  
“Where are you going?”  
Baekhyun frowns. “LA.”  
Jongdae visibly swallows and shifts his body weight. It’s only then that Baekhyun realises that Jongdae is carrying a bright orange backpack, his hand wrapped tightly around the handle. “Can I come with you?”  
Even though the question catches Baekhyun off guard, he doesn’t even need to think before the answer is leaving his lips.  
“Yes.”  
Jongdae slips into the passenger seat, putting his bag between his feet. He’s holding the tape in his hands.  
Baekhyun starts to drive again. They sit in silence for a while, Baekhyun watching the road and Jongdae turning the tape in his hands.  
“Your handwriting is so much neater than mine.” He laughs.  
Baekhyun smiles.  
“Thank you.” Jongdae says. 

There were two reasons that Baekhyun never confessed to Kim Jongdae.  
They first became friends when they both joined the choir the year before. They were often both given solos, or duets, or the same harmonies by the teacher, so they bonded over strained vocals, and voice cracks, and weird vibrato notes that didn’t come out properly.  
Baekhyun fell in love with Jongdae’s voice first, and everything else came after.  
His smile, his laugh, his horrible bangs (which have now grown out into gentle, dyed blonde curls).  
The first reason as to why he never confessed was there wasn’t any point. They were best friends. That was enough.  
Until Jongdae stopped speaking to him. He stopped sitting with him at lunch. He stopped seeking him out to see his reaction after making a joke. They didn’t speak apart from the occasional conversation in the hallways, and Baekhyun didn’t know what he had done wrong.  
That was the second reason.  
He never got the chance.

“Why are you running away?” Baekhyun asks.  
“Why are you?” Despite his tears, Jongdae’s kitten mouth is pulled into a cheeky smirk that Baekhyun can see out of the corner of his eye.  
“Touché,” he laughs.  
“I’m trying to find my birth family...” He explains. “I just need to get out of this city.”  
“Same,” sighs Jongdae, “Not the trying to find my family thing, but... I need to get away.”  
Baekhyun is starting to feel more concerned.  
“Why?” He worries it came across a little too harsh. “I just... if I’m taking you halfway across America I need to know I’m not hiding a fugitive or anything.” He laughs.  
“I’m not a fugitive, don’t worry.” Jongdae laughs too, and Baekhyun is thankful that he isn’t crying anymore. “I want to get away from my stepdad. He... he’s not nice.”  
Baekhyun doesn’t want to ask anymore questions; the bruise on Jongdae’s cheek says it all, and Baekhyun feels awful because he feels like he should have known.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”  
“It’s not like there was anything you could have done.”  
“I know, but...” I’m your friend, he wants to say, even though they are nowhere near as close as they used to be. Why would Jongdae have told him before?  
Jongdae looks down at his backpack, next to his own on the floor. Baekhyun tries not to get embarrassed at the thought of Ella’s pink bunny tucked into his bag, head and floppy ears peaking out.  
They’re out of the main part of the city now, the highway stretches out before them, lit up orange by the streetlights. It’s endless. And it scares him a little bit.  
It starts to get darker, the streetlights less frequent.  
There’s a hitchhiker on their side of the road, but Baekhyun pays him no mind, eager to keep going.  
Or he would have done, if Jongdae hadn’t put his hand on his arm and yelled, “stop!”, looking out the window.  
“Jongdae...” Baekhyun really doesn’t like the idea of picking up a hitchhiker. Both him and Jongdae are pretty small, and though he’s pretty sure that they’re both stronger than they look, he doesn’t fancy their chances against a fully grown man if things turn sour.  
“No, wait...” Jongdae opens the door and gets out of the car, and Baekhyun turns in his seat to see Jongdae greet the hitchhiker, waving.  
The hitchhiker drops his cardboard sign and runs to Jongdae, picking him up and spinning him round in his arms. Jongdae is laughing, and leads the hitchhiker to the car.  
“Baekhyun it’s-“  
“Park Chanyeol?” He breathes out in disbelief.  
Chanyeol’s face fills with his famous smile, “Pretty strange coincidence, right?”  
Park Chanyeol. Jongdae’s ex boyfriend.  
Park Chanyeol is wearing the brown aviator jacket he always wore to school, has a rucksack in his hand and guitar case slung over one shoulder.  
“Why are you here?” As soon as the words leave his mouth, Baekhyun realises how rude he sounded. “I mean... on the side of the highway.”  
Chanyeol’s smile falters a little. “Ah... I’m running away. What about you guys?”  
“We’re going to LA.” Says Jongdae, smiling at Baekhyun.  
Baekhyun chews on his lip in the moment of silence that follows.  
“Why don’t you come with us?”  
“Are you sure?” Chanyeol looks confused, his eyes wide like a kicked puppy.  
“We can’t just leave you here on the side of the road. It’ll be fun.”  
Chanyeol is smiling again. 

They help him fit his bag and guitar in the trunk, and Chanyeol settles himself on the backseat, quickly falling asleep.  
“I feel really bad for him.” Jongdae mumbles, looking back at Chanyeol to make sure he’s okay. Though Chanyeol was all smiles and happiness, there was something not quite right. Baekhyun had often thought that about him. His eyes looked too sad.  
When Baekhyun glances over, he notices that Jongdae is crying.  
“Jongdae...” He reaches over and takes Jongdae’s hand in his, and rubs his thumb over the skin. Suddenly it seems so much more silent.  
“It’ll be okay.”  
Jongdae nods, shuddering as he finally lets out the sob that had been building in his chest.  
Baekhyun has never felt his heart ache more. 

They pulled over in a petrol station parking lot when they got too tired to stay awake, and this is where Baekhyun wakes up.  
Jongdae and Chanyeol aren’t there, and he looks around with unexplainable panic.  
Then he sees them coming out of the cafe with coffee cups. They’re laughing, and Jongdae is moving out of the way before Chanyeol walks into him.  
And Baekhyun knows he has no right to feel jealous, but it doesn’t stop an uneasy feeling settling in his stomach.  
“Baekhyun!” Chanyeol waves madly, smile set on his face, even after a night of very little sleep.  
He opens his car door and greets them, and Jongdae hands him a coffee cup.  
“I... I thought you might want some caffeine, for the road ahead.”  
“I always need caffeine.” Baekhyun laughs.  
Jongdae slides into the passenger seat.  
“Are we off again then?” He asks, and though he looks happier this morning, his radiant smile more genuine, but the bruise on his cheek looks darker.  
Baekhyun nods and gets ready to start the car, but Chanyeol’s head pops up in the gap between the two front seats.  
“Wait! Before we go...” he pulls back to rummage around in a bag and thrusts something forward in front of Baekhyun’s face.  
“A tape?”  
“A mixtape!” Baekhyun turns to look at him, and Chanyeol looks almost like a child in how utterly excited he looks.  
“I made it for my Walkman but you have a cassette player in this thing right?”  
Jongdae speaks up, “It’s not a road trip without a mixtape, right?”  
Baekhyun laughs. “Set it up then. Where first?”  
“Anywhere!” Chanyeol shouts as the first chords of The Cure’s ‘Boy’s Don’t Cry’ fills the air and Jongdae laughs.  
They’re driving, to who knows where, and for the first time Baekhyun really feels like he’s young. No worries, nowhere to be.  
Just him, Chanyeol, and Jongdae.  
Chanyeol and Jongdae, who are laughing as they sing along to the chorus. Baekhyun joins in.

God, he’s never felt so happy. 

They took a detour.  
Several, in fact.  
It’s been a week since they left: they should have got to LA by now.  
Except the more that Baekhyun travels with them, the more he wants to stay. He feels less and less of a yearning for his family, for belonging.  
He’s fine as he is. Happy.  
For the first time in years. 

They’re staying in some crappy motel in a dead little town and the air-con doesn’t work so they’re all just laying around. Chanyeol is lying on his back on the floor, book in one hand and the other behind his head. Jongdae is sprawled out on the double bed they have to share between the three of them. Baekhyun looks out over the little town as he smokes.  
Jongdae speaks up.  
“Let’s go and pick oranges.”  
“What?” Chanyeol asks, laughing from where he is on the floor.  
“I’ve never been to an orange farm. Or whatever they’re called.”  
Baekhyun laughs and immediately his heart warms at the way Jongdae is pouting at him from the bed.  
“Well it’s not like there were any in Illinois!”  
Baekhyun smiles as he stubs out his cigarette on the wood on the balcony.  
Jongdae is a ball of energy.  
Since that first night he’s not stopped laughing or joking, clinging onto them and it feels like Baekhyun is getting to know him again. He seems happier than he ever was.  
“I’ll go get the car!” Jongdae says, grabbing his jacket and the keys as he rushes out the door.  
Baekhyun and Chanyeol share a look: a mutual ‘what are we going to do with him?’.  
“I’ve never been orange picking either.” Chanyeol says as they wait to see Jongdae bring the car around.  
“Neither have I.” Baekhyun admits, though it’s not surprising.  
“I love his ideas.” Says Chanyeol, and Baekhyun gets that uneasy feeling in his stomach that hasn’t really disappeared since they picked up Chanyeol on the highway as they left Chicago. 

Really, it’s nothing to be worried about.  
Firstly, Baekhyun has no claim to Jongdae. Just because he has a crush, it doesn’t mean that Jongdae belongs to him. Especially since Jongdae doesn’t even know.  
It just... hurts a little. To see Jongdae so close with someone who isn’t him.  
To see them so close when Baekhyun still doesn’t know what he did wrong all those years ago, for Jongdae to drop him so abruptly.  
It seems like it’s all in the past, so he doesn’t want to bring it up. But he can’t deny that it plays on his mind. 

Anyway, with his puppy eyes and floppy hair, it’s hard to hate Park Chanyeol. In fact, it’s even harder to not like Park Chanyeol. Baekhyun (out of petty jealousy) at first didn’t want to like him, because Chanyeol was so popular in school. But it wasn’t for no reason: he really was just that kind.

In the first motel they stayed in, there was only one bed. Chanyeol offered to sleep on the floor.  
Baekhyun had felt so guilty, and in the middle of the night had whispered:  
“Yeol?”  
Quietly, so as not to disturb Jongdae , who is sleeping soundly with his limbs all splayed out like a particularly clingy starfish. (Really, it’s a miracle that there’s still room in the bed at all.)  
“Yeah?” Chanyeol answers.  
Baekhyun pauses, “Join us on the bed. There should be enough room.”  
“Are you sure?”  
Baekhyun turns over in bed to look at Chanyeol. Despite his size, he manages to look awfully small sometimes. His eyes are wide in that puppy-ish way they were the night they picked him up off the side of the highway, and he’s shivering slightly.  
“Yeah, come in you big sod.”  
Baekhyun shifts over slightly and turns around. He feels Chanyeol hesitate slightly behind him as he climbs on the bed, and Baekhyun takes his wrist and pulls his arm around his waist.  
“You might as well cuddle with us if we’re all sharing a bed.” He mumbles through a yawn.  
He feels the weight of Chanyeol curl up behind him, arm over him. He pulls Jongdae a little closer, who grumbles slightly.  
“Thank you.” Whispers Chanyeol. 

It’s hard not to love Park Chanyeol. 

Orange picking is fun.  
It’s way too hot for the clothes they’re wearing so they all stripped their jackets as soon as they got there. Jongdae’s wearing an oversized faded blue t shirt with ‘Alaska Cruises’ written in big writing on the back with a picture of a whale. Baekhyun thinks he looks really pretty; the way the sun is shining on his skin, making his eyes sparkle in awe of the rows and rows of orange trees.  
Chanyeol runs off and Baek chases him, then they gang up on Jongdae and if he’s honest, they aren’t really picking oranges, they’re getting dirty looks from older couples, but they’re having fun. 

The sort of fun none of them have had in a while. 

They’re sat on the grass under one of the larger trees when Chanyeol excuses himself, and wanders off to find a bathroom.  
The sun isn’t due to start setting any time soon, but it’s shining golden on Jongdae’s soft blonde hair.  
Jongdae sighs. “I’ve had the best day.”  
“Who knew picking oranges could be so fun?”  
Jongdae smiles, and bumps his shoulder against Baekhyun’s.  
He takes an orange from the ground, and his short fingernails struggle to pierce through the tough skin.  
“I missed having you around.” He whispers.  
And then everything Baekhyun has been wondering suddenly comes bubbling to the surface, and he can’t stop himself from asking:  
“Why did you stop talking to me?” 

Jongdae’s fingers stop moving.

Baekhyun doesn’t know, for a second, whether he’s going to answer. Whether he’ll just run away again.  
Until he speaks. Quietly.  
“Because I was scared.”  
A sigh.  
“I didn’t... I’m running away from my stepdad.”  
Baekhyun remembers Jongdae on the night they left Chicago, the night he almost hit him with his car because Jongdae was so desperate to get away.  
“He’s... we’re... He hates that I’m gay.”  
Baekhyun, despite the sick feeling in his stomach, pulls Jongdae in to his side, and Jongdae rests his head on his shoulder. It’s almost too natural, the way it feels. Too perfect.  
“He’s always been horrible about it. Even before I knew... maybe he just guessed. But when, when I became friends with you...”  
Jongdae shivers, and Baekhyun pauses, unsure of whether he wants to hear what Jongdae has to say next.  
“That’s when I realised that straight guys aren’t supposed to dream about kissing their best friends.”  
“Jongdae...”  
“That’s why I stopped talking to you. Because...”  
Baekhyun turns so he’s facing him and his heart aches seeing tears in Jongdae’s big eyes.  
“You don’t have to tell me the rest, Jongdae, it’s okay,”  
Jongdae shakes his head and puts his hands on either side of Baekhyun’s face.  
“I was afraid that it meant that everything he said about me was true.”  
He shakes his head, and moves closer, and Baekhyun doesn’t know what to do.  
“But I’m not afraid anymore.”  
And then he kisses him. Kim Jongdae kisses him.  
And Byun Baekhyun kisses back.

Jongdae kisses forcefully, like he has something to say, something to prove.  
He puts his hand on the back of Baekhyun’s neck, and Baekhyun lets him pull him closer.  
Kim Jongdae kisses him like a man starving, yearning for affection and love and Byun Baekhyun would happily give it all, give everything to him, as long as Jongdae never stops kissing him.  
By the time Jongdae pulls away, they’re both ever so slightly short of breath, and Jongdae, his face still so close to Baekhyun’s, looks away almost shyly and laughs under his breath.  
The sun is even more golden now, and Baekhyun can see his acne scars, his faint freckles across his nose. Can see how the sunlight highlights his long lashes and the warmth in his eyes.  
“You’re so beautiful.” He says.  
“Thank you.” Jongdae smiles. “So are you.”  
His hand finds Baekhyun’s, and in it he places the orange. 

They’re driving back to the motel through the orange orchards, and then down the long dirt road back to the town. The sun is setting, and everything is glowing.  
Chanyeol is in charge of the music, sitting in the front passenger seat. He skips the songs that he deems not quite right and almost shouts the words to the ones he love. It’s not long before Jongdae and Baekhyun both join in.  
They’re laughing as they get out of the car and tumbling through the doors of the motel, thankful for the air conditioning.  
They’re still making jokes and laughing as Baekhyun presses all the buttons in the elevator by accident.  
Jongdae stretches out his back when they get into the room, as Baekhyun dives onto the bed, lying spread eagle.  
They’re still smiling when Chanyeol turns on the tv and is flicking through channels absentmindedly.  
And then there isn’t anything to laugh about anymore, and the room goes deathly silent, save for the sound of the tv.  
And a news anchor is talking, and there’s a picture of Jongdae on the screen. It’s from when he had black hair. A school picture: he looks sad, even though he’s smiling.  
“Jongdae Kim, 19 years old, ran away from home on the 14th of July. He took 50 dollars in cash and his stepfather’s bank card. Police think...”

“I didn’t.”  
Baekhyun looks over to Jongdae; he’s clenching his jaw and tears are beginning to fall down his cheeks.  
“I didn’t steal from him.” He chokes out, and Baekhyun pulls him into a hug, Chanyeol pulling them both into his arms.  
They’re holding him between them as he gets more and more distressed, and suddenly Baekhyun has an idea. It seems stupid, but he suddenly remembers the pink bunny in his backpack and hands it to Jongdae, who immediately wraps his arms around it, shaking. 

The tv is still going. A video clip of Jongdae’s parents is being shown, and his mother is crying and his stepfather is saying:  
“Jongdae has always been a troubled kid, but we never thought he’d do this to us.”  
His mother says in heavily accented english, “We just want our son back.”  
And Jongdae cries even harder.  
They turn the tv off immediately.  
“I didn’t steal from them!” Jongdae cries into Baekhyun’s chest.  
“We know, Jongdae. We know.”  
Baekhyun’s heart just aches for him.

“I want to get really, really drunk.”  
Says Jongdae when he stops crying.  
Which leads to where they are now: a concert at a club they somehow got into at the next town over.  
Baekhyun doesn’t even know how much he’s had to drink, but it’s enough that his vision is starting to blur a little and his legs feel a little uneasy.  
But he’s having so much fun.  
Jongdae goes to get more drinks, and Chanyeol pulls him to the side.  
“You and Jongdae, right?”  
And Baekhyun is too drunk to be feeling this nervous, so he just mumbles out a “yes?”  
Chanyeol claps him on the back and then pulls him into a too-tight-hug.  
“Go for it. He really likes you.”  
Baekhyun is reminded of the kiss in the orchard, and feels ever so slightly guilty that they didn’t tell Chanyeol.  
“Really?” He shouts over the music.  
Chanyeol nods. “There’s a guy over there I want to talk to.” He smiles at someone past Baekhyun’s shoulder and raises a hand. Baekhyun turns to see a tall man with dark hair sitting with one leg over the other at the bar. He catches Chanyeol’s eye and smiles shyly. 

Jongdae comes back with the drinks, and Chanyeol goes off to his tall, dark and handsome stranger.  
Jongdae downs his drink in one (double vodka lemonade), and Baekhyun pulls Jongdae to the middle of the dancefloor.  
“I’m a terrible dancer!” Jongdae shouts into his ear.  
“You can’t be that bad!” Baekhyun shouts back, and Jongdae smiles drunkenly and shakes his head. 

In that moment he feels it more strongly than ever.  
How much he loves Jongdae.  
He’s dancing now, and he’s terrible at it, like he said. His arms are out and he’s spinning around and then his eyes meet Baekhyun’s.  
Baekhyun thinks Jongdae would be glowing even without the violet coloured lights.  
He looks so beautiful.  
Baekhyun pulls him forward and before he even knows what he’s doing he’s putting his hands on either side of Jongdae’s face. He licks his lips, and Jongdae puts a hand on the back of his head and pushes his forehead against his own.  
“I think I love you.” Says Baekhyun.  
“I know.” Says Jongdae.  
“I love you too.” And then he’s pulling him in for a kiss and his fingers tangle into Baekhyun’s hair. Baekhyun’s hands find their way to Jongdae’s waist and he pulls him towards him. Jongdae pulls away to breathe and pushes against Baekhyun and Baekhyun gasps.  
Licking his slightly swollen lips, Jongdae whispers into Baekhyun’s ear. “Come to the bathroom with me?”  
He looks scared, like Baekhyun is going to reject him.  
Baekhyun could never say no to Jongdae. 

The thing about love, is that it doesn’t matter how long you’ve felt it, just that you do. A love that lasts a week is just as powerful as a love that lasts a lifetime.  
And Baekhyun’s heart is filled with a love that he’s never been given, filled with love that all belongs to Jongdae.

The bathroom is busy, but no one is paying attention to them as Jongdae pulls Baekhyun by his wrist into a bathroom stall. Baekhyun doesn’t waste any time before moving back in to kiss him, and he feels Jongdae’s hands grasp the hair on the back of his head. He moves his hands under Jongdae’s shirt, fingers hovering above the skin.  
“Please,” Jongdae whispers into his mouth and Baekhyun nearly groans right then, letting one of his hands rest on Jongdae’s tiny waist, the other moving up the small expanse of his chest. Jongdae pulls away with a gasp and puts his forehead against his when Baekhyun rubs one of his nipples.  
“Baekhyun,” Another kiss.  
“Let me...” He doesn’t say anything else, doesn’t have to, with the way he bites his lip and sinks to his knees. He’s looking at Baekhyun and his hands are toying playfully with the button and zip of his jeans.  
“Can I?” And Baekhyun nearly dies right there, but he has to make sure that Jongdae isn’t just doing this, that he really wants to.  
“Yes but... do you want to?”  
“Of course I do.” Jongdae licks his lips and he’s the prettiest, most gorgeous thing Baekhyun has ever seen in his life.  
Baekhyun’s head hits the wall as soon as Jongdae fits his mouth around his cock and he struggles not to groan out loud. He doesn’t want to look down because he’s already so gone, so gone for Jongdae and his pretty face and beautiful mind. 

Jongdae tongues at the vein on the underside of his dick and Baekhyun whimpers, feeling like his legs are going to buckle beneath him. He threads his fingers through Jongdae’s tousled hair, and when he finally looks down, Jongdae’s big eyes are looking back up at him.  
“Jongdae, Jongdae...” He moans, trying not to be too loud, but he’s so close and Jongdae is really fucking good at this. He pulls at Jongdae’s hair and bites his lip when Jongdae moans around his cock.  
He looks down again to see that Jongdae has a hand inside his own jeans, and the sight coupled with the way he’s mouthing at the almost oversensitive head of his cock has him groaning and he cums.  
“Oh my - I’m so sorry,” he immediately grabs for a tissue to wipe at jongdae’s face, who laughs. He stands up again and kisses Baekhyun again, gasping into his mouth when Baekhyun reaches down to cup Jongdae’s own dick above his underwear, and it’s not long before Jongdae’s eyelashes flutter, eyelids sliding shut in pleasure, shuddering in Baekhyun’s arms as he tries to recover.  
“Wow,” Baekhyun pants, trying to get his breath back.  
“I think you got cum in my eye.” Jongdae pouts, holding the tissue to his eye.  
“Sorry,” Baekhyun tries not to laugh, “Let me help?”  
Jongdae gives him the tissue, and Baekhyun cleans him up before kissing him again, a little more softly this time. 

They end up getting a cab back to the motel at 5 in the morning. Jongdae is giggly and smiley until he falls asleep, drooling on Chanyeol’s shoulder.  
They drop him on the bed with a glass of water on the little table and sit together on the balcony, watching the sunrise.  
“I know you were friends with Jongdae first,” Chanyeol starts, and Baekhyun turns his head to look at him/  
“And it’s not my place to give you permission to date him... Just, look after him.”  
“You still love him?”  
Chanyeol shakes his head and pulls his jacket tighter around him. “Nah... I just don’t want him to get hurt.”  
There’s a lull in the conversation as Baekhyun tries to figure out what to say.  
“Why... why did you break up? If you don’t mind me asking?”  
Chanyeol and Jongdae were that couple in their school. Always together, chaotic and loud but loved. Baekhyun had never understood why a couple as perfect as them would give that up.  
“Just didn’t work out. We still love each other a lot, just... not in that way.”

As he falls asleep that night, it’s all Baekhyun can think of.  
Chanyeol and Jongdae, together. They understand each other so well, and Baekhyun truthfully doesn’t know either of them that well. Not anymore at least.  
He feels like they’re just tagging along with him because they don’t have anywhere else to go, they feel too awkward to leave. Did Jongdae only blow him because he felt he needed to pay him back somehow?  
What if Jongdae didn’t mean what he said?

Why would someone like Jongdae ever like Baekhyun?

It’s the next morning when everything goes wrong.  
He feels wrong, guilty, sick.  
Seeing Chanyeol and Jongdae laughing together as they packed up the car makes it worse, and Baekhyun hates himself for how he’s feeling.  
He doesn’t join in the conversations as they drive, leading them to travel in a somewhat awkward silence. And he feels bad, because this isn’t what he wanted.  
He just can’t bring himself to say anything.  
He’s too on edge and he can feel the panic lying low under his skin.  
It’s just that everything changed too quickly, everything’s different now. If he could go back one week he would. Keep it that way forever.  
‘Piece of shit’, he thinks as they drive into a little coastal town. He never wanted to bring them down. Never wanted to ruin everything this way. 

He pulls into a parking lot of the first motel he sees. Chanyeol gets out of the passenger seat and mumbles something about going to get them a room.  
Baekhyun doesn’t know whether to say anything, but looks in the wing mirror to see Jongdae. He’s frowning, hair messed up from running his hand through it.  
Baekhyun moves to get out the car, and then Jongdae speaks up. 

“Why aren’t you talking to me?”  
He looks hurt, sad. And Baekhyun honestly doesn’t know how to answer.  
This isn’t what he wanted.  
“I don’t... I don’t know.” Before Jongdae can speak again he blurts out, “I’m sorry.”  
“Baek... you don’t have to apologise if you haven’t done anything wrong.”  
He nods.  
“I just...” Jongdae shifts so that Baekhyun can see him when he turns his head.  
“You’ve been acting so strange with me all day... I thought you liked me.”  
“I do.” Baekhyun whispers.  
“Then... is it my fault?” Jongdae frowns even more, his eyebrows going up in the middle of his forehead. “Is it because I moved too quick?”  
“No...” And then before he can stop it, it’s like every insecurity Baekhyun has comes bubbling out of him at once. And he cant stop them.  
“I don’t know why you would ever like me when you have Chanyeol.” 

Jongdae visibly recoils.  
Baekhyun’s heart sinks. 

“Wh... Why would you say that?”  
Baekhyun doesn’t look at him because he doesn’t want to see the evidence that it was him who upset Jongdae.  
“Baek...” He sounds angry. In all the years that Baekhyun has known him, even the years they stopped being friends, he has never heard Jongdae angry.  
“Why would you not trust me?”  
Baekhyun can’t, doesn’t, reply.  
“When I said I loved you... I meant it. That’s not just something that I say for the sake of it Baekhyun!”  
“I know..”  
“Well why didn’t you just trust me when I told you? Why make it about me and Yeol? We’re friends.”  
Baekhyun struggles to come up with an excuse. “I just got jealous,”  
“I can see that.” 

And then Jongdae is grabbing his bright orange backpack and slamming the door of the car behind him and walking away, away from Baekhyun. 

Baekhyun puts his head in his hands, sighs, and gets out the car. 

He finds Chanyeol in the lobby.  
“I messed up.” He puts his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder, who wraps his arms around him.  
“Give him some time, then go and apologise.”  
Baekhyun nods.  
He needs to make things right. 

Jongdae is sat on the beach, kneels pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped around himself, drinking from a carton of Japanese mandarin juice.  
Baekhyun sits next to him. Jongdae doesn’t look at him .  
“I fucked up.” Baekhyun breathes out.  
“You can say that again.” Says Jongdae.  
They sit for a while, and Baekhyun watches the way Jongdae watches the waves crash on the shore.  
“I’m sorry... I wasn’t thinking about how you could be feeling. I was being selfish.”  
Jongdae looks at Baekhyun, angular eyebrows set into a frown.  
“You really hurt me.” He puts his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder, and Baekhyun pulls him so he’s settled against his chest. “I forgive you.”  
They sit, just watching the sun go down over the ocean, Jongdae’s fingers absent-mindedly stroking the back of Baekhyun’s hand.  
The beach is completely empty when Jongdae turns to him.  
“Baek...” he says, and his eyes are all pretty and dark, “kiss me.”

Once again, the sun is golden, but Jongdae no longer kisses like he has something to prove.  
He’s soft, let’s Baekhyun lead the way, fists his fingers in Baekhyun’s hair and gasps when he touches him.  
They stop when they feel a few drops of rain, which quickly turns into a downpour, and laugh as they run back to the hotel, holding jackets above their heads.  
They kiss again inside the foyer, Baekhyun’s hands either side of Jongdae’s face.  
They kiss in the elevator after picking up a key for a room, Jongdae’s small hands clinging to the collar of Baekhyun’s sopping wet t shirt.  
They fumble with the key and tumble in the door, Jongdae pulling Baekhyun’s t shirt over his head and dropping his own shorts as they move towards the bed. 

Baekhyun looks down at him, biting his lip, wet hair and flushed cheeks.  
“You’re so fucking beautiful.”  
Jongdae shivers and bites his lip.  
Baekhyun kisses him softly. “I mean it.”  
“Thank you,” Jongdae whispers and holds him close.  
“Baek... please fuck me.”  
“Yeah?” He turns around to grab his wallet out of his jeans pocket on the floor to grab a condom he knows is in there.  
“Yeah,” Jongdae affirms and then he’s sitting up and kissing Baekhyun’s neck. “In my bag, front pocket- there’s some lube-“  
Baekhyun kisses him and goes to grab it, watching as Jongdae slides off his underwear  
“You keep lube in your bag?” Baekhyun laughs, and Jongdae peels his boxers off for him. Baekhyun shifts his legs to let them drop to the floor.  
“Hmm, never know when it’s going to come in handy.”  
Kim Jongdae must be some sort of demon, with sharp sharp feline eyes and that goddamn sinful smile. Baekhyun can’t get enough.  
“Come on Baek,”  
Baekhyun feels hot breath against his ear, and teeth making little kitten bites.  
“Fuck me.”

He takes his time taking Jongdae part, watching him lose his cool, hands fisting in the sheets for something to hold onto, some way to ground himself.  
“Baek,” he whimpers as Baekhyun pushes inside, hands clawing at his back and legs pulled up to his chest.  
The air seems to get hotter, the atmosphere more intense.  
Baekhyun pulls out and moves to sit with his back against the headboard, patting his lap to signify where he wants Jongdae.  
And Jongdae wastes no time- he’s in Baekhyun’s lap by the time it takes him to blink, kissing him tenderly before wrapping a hand around his dick to guide himself onto it, eyes rolling back in pleasure as he lets out a little breathy sigh.  
“You good?”  
Jongdae answers by rolling his hips once, and shivering. “Better than.”

Baekhyun wakes up to the light filtering through the curtains they forgot to close properly the night before, rays of sun filtering through and making little orange lines across the floor.  
Jongdae is spread out next to him, in that sleeping position that little kittens do. Baekhyun shuffles towards him to be closer, to wrap his arms around him.  
“Mm, Baek.” Jongdae grumbles as he wakes up, and Baekhyun holds on tighter and buries his head in Jongdae’s neck.  
“We need to get up.”  
Jongdae turns to look at Baekhyun.  
“Do we have to?” Baekhyun does his best sad face, and Jongdae laughs.  
“Yes!” He turns over and swings his legs off the bed, bending down to pick his t shirt up off the floor.  
“Come on, lets go find Chanyeol.” He kisses Baekhyun’s nose.  
Baekhyun follows. 

They finally arrive in LA; and truth be told, it isn’t quite as incredible as Baekhyun had always imagined. But there was no sinking feeling of disappointment, but happiness that he was somewhere that he wanted to be, with the people he loved the most.  
They find a small, cheap hotel to stay in together. Once again, there’s only one bed, but Baekhyun is used to sharing at this point, spending nights entangled together, Jongdae in his arms in front of him and Chanyeol curled up against his back. 

It’s their second evening in the city; they’re sitting around in the hotel drinking and listening to music when Chanyeol catches Baekhyun turning over the piece of paper with his birth parents address that he’d been keeping in his pocket all this time. In all honesty, he’d almost forgotten about his birth parents he’d been having so much fun, that holding that slip of paper in his hands again was sobering, grounding.  
“It’s my birth parents address.” He whispers, feeling weird, and silly, saying it out loud.  
“I wanted to try and find them, but now... I’m not sure.”  
“Why’s that?” Jongdae asks, putting a hand on his knee, a small but welcome gesture. 

And Baekhyun is finally forced to face the sinking feeling that has been looming for a while.  
“Because they gave me away.  
Why would they want to see me now?”

“We don’t mind going with you if you feel like you need to go,” Says Chanyeol, coming to sit next to him on the floor.  
Baekhyun shakes his head.  
“I don’t feel like I need them anymore.  
I have everything I need.”

Something about the song, the minor notes and the tone and the little melancholy guitar riff in the background makes Baekhyun feel like his heart is bleeding. He pulls Jongdae closer by his waist on one side, Chanyeol closer on his other, arm around his shoulders. Jongdae sleepily settles his head on his shoulder, Chanyeol’s resting on his head.  
“I don’t want to leave.” He says.  
“Please don’t ever leave.”  
And then there are two pairs of arms around him, kisses being pressed into his hair. Chanyeol is pulling him onto his knee and Baekhyun lets him because he feels like a rag doll, all heavy cloth limbs and a mind made of straw. Jongdae puts his hands on Baekhyun’s cheeks, framing his face and Baekhyun can hardly even see him through his tears but then Jongdae is speaking to him,  
“We’re not going anywhere, Baekhyun, I’m not going anywhere.”  
Because it was them. All along it was all for them. Everything he’d been looking for, he’d found it in two wonderful, amazing, strong boys. Men.  
Jongdae kisses him and Chanyeol holds him tighter as Baekhyun sobs.  
He doesn’t feel alone anymore. 

But the perfect things in life can’t last forever. 

As much as we may want them to.

It was foolish to think that they could all stay under the radar for that long, that they could actually start a new life together.  
It wasn’t long until someone recognised Jongdae.  
It was inevitable, really. With his face all over the news, it was like everyone was looking out for the boy who stole from his poor, poor parents.  
They don’t know who it was that called the police, but it wasn’t long before they were all sitting at the police station, being questioned.  
Baekhyun had five minutes to talk to them alone. He cried, he hugged them, clutched onto their jackets, and shoved the pink bunny into Jongdae’s arms as he was escorted away by police.  
It wasn’t long before Jongdae was carted off to the airport by a police officer.  
Chanyeol had to go soon after: his parents didn’t care that he was missing, but they did care that he was missing out on a place in a top medical school. 

And then it was just Baekhyun, alone.  
Again. 

He found a job working in a coffee shop, and the owner (a man in his 20s named Kim Minseok) took Baekhyun under his wing, letting him stay in his own apartment for free. 

It was strange. Watching the news on Minseok’s small tv and seeing Jongdae and his orange backpack, pink bunny toy sticking it’s head out of the top, reluctantly reunited with his family. He was crying.  
The reporters said it was out of joy for being reunited and forgiven.  
But Baekhyun knew the truth. 

At least he still had their phone numbers.  
At least he still had some way of contacting them.  
At least he wasn’t completely alone, not anymore. 

It’s been a year since Kim Jongdae last saw Byun Baekhyun, and he’s terrified.  
He’s stood at the airport with his bags, clutching his backpack to his chest. There’s a sick feeling in his stomach at the idea of seeing him again.  
What if Baekhyun no longer loves him? What if it’s different in person?  
Then he hears someone call his name and run towards him, he spins round to see Park Chanyeol, running way too fast for a public space.  
“Chanyeol!”  
And Chanyeol wraps his arms around him, and Jongdae didn’t realise how much he missed him. He’s as tall as ever and has lilac hair and is smiling like he’s won the lottery.  
“I missed you so much,” Jongdae says into his neck.  
They get a coffee while they catch up, and it feels so good to see Chanyeol, to hear him laugh obnoxiously (strangely, he still instinctively knows when Chanyeol is about to hit him in a fit of laughter, even though it’s been a year since they saw each other).  
But Jongdae is still so nervous.  
And then he gets a text. 

‘We’ve parked at the entrance.’

Jongdae and Chanyeol grab their bags and walk through the big rotating doors out of the airport, and Jongdae has to shield his eyes with his hands because of the sun.  
Then Chanyeol is pointing to two men leaning against a car and running off.  
Jongdae watches as he picks up the slightly taller of the two and his stomach clenches, because then he puts him down.  
And it’s Baekhyun.  
He’s there. 

Jongdae swings his backpack onto his back and runs to him, holding his face between his hands and kissing him, Baekhyun’s hands holding onto his waist.  
Jongdae pulls away and threads his fingers in Baekhyun’s hair.  
He’s dyed it a soft tangerine colour, and the sun shines on it, giving him an ethereal glow.  
“It’s orange!” Jongdae breathes.  
“It reminded me of you.” Baekhyun replies.


End file.
